Step by Step = Full Circle

So, I have this hunch I've got to write. Again, it's been literally weeks but here goes. The problem is I'm not exactly sure what about. As usual, I can follow the Spirits guiding but like in areas of my life, I stutter due to the fact that I can't see whats ahead of me. Even now, I shake my head at that statement. What a brat, I think. MOST people I know have no idea whats ahead of them, what makes you different or special? In other words we have a right to question things at certain times but we just can't stay there. I've heard it said that until we take the first step towards anything, its very unlikely that we will ever see or know the following steps. They will only be revealed as we take the FIRST one. But wait, the FIRST one is scary. Its too big, too much, too out of the box. What will people think or say or do? The FIRST step often feels as though there are no other steps!! Uh oh, then what? Think like an infant for a moment. Again, this is someone elses analogy but stay with me. The baby wants to walk and knows it needs to walk (God given nature). The baby isn't really sure how to walk, or what walking feels like, or sometimes isn't too familiar yet with what will result in the walking. However, with the guidance of the PARENT, everything changes. And you have seen it. We see the success of  healthy, sound babies who have every bit of the parents attention and love and how well they do with the overwhelming task. And then some of us have seen the baby who struggles to do what is predicted due to the parent that can't or won't spend the time to teach them. I'm glad to say my FATHER is completely in love with me! He won't for one minute take His eyes off of me while I take those first few scary, wobbly steps! He's guiding me, by His hand or sometimes both hands. As children of God, we don't have to worry that we have ended up with the parent who doesn't care of we ever walk, therefore leading to a debilitating, crippling life. NO. He is ONLY interested in the success, victory and freedom of seeing all of His children grow. What an opportunity we have. If we CHOOSE HIS will for our lives, then He is in it. Head first, all the way, completely and totally IN IT with us! We  have a choice. We can like many, choose our own path for our lives. God won't force us to do things His way. But its a tough road. He doesn't promise us the assistance we can get when we go with Him. He loves us either way. He loves us whichever road we choose, however the consequences can be GREAT by choosing our way. We are human and without communion with His Holy Spirit, how lost we can become. He will be there to meet us, anytime, anywhere. Thats how good God is and how much He loves us. But, my challenge is this: wouldn't we rather just go with God no matter the cost? Its not paradise, and it gets tough too......but the upside is the confidence that you are walking with Him. Life can be hard either way. Here's a thought - we are going to mess up at some point, or several points along the way. I'd like to think that even when I get it wrong - major wrong- that I've got someone to help me along. I can depend on God to answer my SOS when things aren't quite comfortable or haven't gone the way I'd like. Not only that, if I stay close enough; I can even discern when the Spirit within me is saying "NO, that's not the way, that's not it." Rather than, not having a clue and trying to depend on my intellect or intuition. (thats scary!). There's a price on this road. God's path for us. The gift of His everlasting love and grace and mercy and everything else that HE IS is free. Always. Don't confuse that. The point I'm trying to make is that as humans, living in this fallen world there is sacrifice made to follow God. Our flesh wants what it wants. We have to want what the Spirit wants. OUCH! Yes. It hurts. A lot. For me, it is almost a CONSTANT battle that I didn't anticipate participating in. Spirit vs. Flesh. Wow. Sometimes such a fine line, too. Again, all we can do is daily (sometimes hourly!) continue to give every element of our lives BACK to God. See, I believe that this amazing, wonderful, free, blessed life that Amy Darby lives belongs to God. I started with God. I haven't always let Him have all of me, and others tried to steal me away from Him, but  again back to the battle.....but what I mean is that He started all of this and so I don't really own this (life)  but its my stinking human nature that continues to want to take hold. Hence, the "giving back."  That along with circumstances in our lives BELONG TO GOD. He promises to take anything and everything we are willing to LET Him have, and make it beautiful! (Is.61:3). I don't know where you are personally. I don't know what your mess is, what your "ashes" may be. For some its circumstances, for others its that stinking flesh I referred to. We all have battles. Some of us have WAY more batle than we would have ever dreamed of having. And lets admit it: no one LIKES fighting. But we have them, so what can we do? WE can do very little. In our own power, I mean. Very little.......In fact I've just about decided I have no interest in fighting alone. Yes, it takes work on my part. Effort. Dedication. Saying no to things, saying yes to some I'd rather not. (flesh) But for me, I desire life abundant (John 10:10). I want ALL things that God desires to give me. Its simply a choice, a decision. Where are you? Where do you want to be? In God, we can have and be whatever we want, according to His will, and He wants to give us the desires of our hearts! (Ps. 37:4)  And HE knows whats best for us anyhow. Remember, I started with Him - it only makes sense to do all I can to end with Him.

November.... Seriously??!

So Im convinced.....I will never, ever earn the blogger award. Its been a very long time since I have posted something, anything......but I'm not sure I have anything. I've been in a bit of transition I guess. Well, I know I have, and writing or sharing or whatever you choose to call this just hasn't been important. What has been? Trying to survive as a 'single mom' for starters. That has been interesting to say the least. I guess I didn't really have any expectations of how that would go.(and no i'm not a single mom, i'm just a wife who has a husband on short term assignment overseas). Duane's been gone since October 10th and it feels like its been a year. To beat it all he may not be home at Thanksgiving. I don't think him not home on a holiday is really the issue,  but the fact that it will be 9 weeks since we've seen him by the time he does make it home, thats different. Honestly, I am not upset about the possibility but its just that when you have a date in mind for someone to return and you have literally been on a countdown for that day; it tries to get to you. or shall I say it will try and get to ME. I don't want it to though. Here's the thought for the day. Can we really mentally make our minds up to not be sad/mad/discouraged/etc. and be successful? Is that all it takes? Mind over matter? Is it that simple? Can I really "just decide" that I'm not going to let this get to me along with all the other frustrations of a given day? I hope to God I can. I hope that I can continue to move through life as I know it and take it a day at a time and face whatever I have to face and stay encouraged. And that no matter what, have the strength  to get up and do it again the next day. I don't even want to do a countdown this time. In a way it will make it harder. And here's another thought. What is God trying to say to me? What does He want me to learn? There is purpose for this time, I do know that. I'm sure there's work for me to do somewhere and if I really want to , there are plenty of needs out there to meet. This time won't be in vain. I have 2 children to spend time with and to try and cherish. I have quiet time with Jesus to tend to and studying of the word that I am SUPER behind on. Oh and I have a house to keep clean and laundry.  Then there's taking care of myself. I  have to walk every day, try and pay attention to what I eat AND in a week or so I REALLY need to add something to my walking. Then there's the element of rest. I am not one to be proud of all the "down time" I've had or the hours that I actually sleep at night. For some reason it's like I expect to be superwoman and just sleep a little and keep going like Im battery operated. However, I know that I have to rest! I laugh because since Duane isn't here to chat with or watch TV with, I'm usually asleep by 9-10pm. I GET in bed sometimes at 8!! SO sad......but its working for me. Thats what we all have to do. Find what works. And it changes. Sometimes we are in seasons of barely any rest or sleep (which I don't recommend) and other times we feel like if we don't get more busy , we are just going to be lazy. Honestly though, we just never know what we are going to need or whats coming next in life. God does.  Try to appreciate where you are. I can remember thinking my life was just blah and I was in such a LULL, nothing going on and I felt as though I had no purpose at all. But then, I had to realize as someone told me: " enjoy the tranquility you are in". I took that advice, and I have passed it on to others. Now, when I feel that way I just figure that it's the calm before the storm. Like I am right where God wants me because God's getting me ready for the next task. The next season may be what I call a "working season" and I'd better rest while I can. Speaking of seasons, I am still learning that concept. But I do think I'm making progress. I surely hope! I don't know how to end this and I think there probably should be a sequel. Maybe some more talk about "seasons". For now, though I must go.....it's time to tend to the sheep. My little lambs anyway. God Bless!!!