I am still so overwhelmed. I am hoping getting this out helps - and somehow will reach others to help them. My heart is so heavy. My mind feels gone. I have a thought and then I can't remember what it was or where it went. I want to help as much as possible but I realize God is giving me time to recover. I don't even know what I feel mostly. Sadness. Guilt. Shock (still). Mentally, physically emotionally, every way its like there's no words...
I realize there are those who are dealing with MUCH worse things. Devastation and grief beyond my comprehension. My prayers continue to be with them. I keep thinking do what you can do - pray, and be available to the best of your ability.
Also, I know that the recovery is such a long road but God will be our guide and will be with us every step of the way. I pray I can be the hands and feet He would have me to be. "Thy will be done...."
Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you. Psalm 33:22
Monday, May 2, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
24 hours ago
24 hours ago, we were in the basement, waiting out tornadoes. it seemed like nothing was going on....scary still....but this morning - so very evident that destruction was rampant.
we had been watching the news, and hearing about reports of this and that. i kept saying, we have nothing, nothing here. the girls had just gotten situated (almost asleep) in their beds and i told duane we should probably go ahead and get them downstairs, versus waiting until they were completely asleep and scaring them to death. well, as far as the fear i guess i couldn't escape that. the minute i went to Ella's room, all i said was "baby, come with mommy we need to go downstairs." it's as if she knew immediately something was going to happen, the tears started to come. she grabbed her blankie and baby. cleary, she was in panic. i the positive one, had to be "mommy" but i just wanted to cry with her. Lydia was literally shaking. all i could do was comfort, pull them close to me and tell them we would be ok. i gathered candles and a flashlight (of course it was a tiny one) and headed down. duane stayed out front to watch. it wasn't long before he was telling me get downstairs, and NOW. ok....so now what? thankfully we kept our power. i decided it was better at this point to turn off the news (we were already in our safe place just waiting) and put it on something the girls would enjoy to watch, so we did. it was calming - i held them close and prayed the only thing i could think was appropriate:
Our Father, who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.
Amen.
it was very peaceful - comforting words although as i'm typing this Lydia is telling me that she didn't quite understand the words. (ha) i explained that it was from the bible - long ago. but here's the thing. while i was praying that last night - no one asked. it was just what it is. that's really cool, i think.
so once we felt cleared - we came upstairs and of course got our "family bed" going on....:)
i got kicked all night but it was ok - and this morning i was woke up way before i really wanted to be. and that's okay too. we decided to drive around and see what damage was done and if we could help.
what we saw was simply unbelievable. and all i could do was pray - and still am.
we have made food, offered it and i have offered my services. right now, things seem to be covered.
when you don't know what to do - you pray.
God hears us and He will answer.
Blessings to all affected and those surrounding - and for all of the rescue workers and volunteers.
Psalm 67
we had been watching the news, and hearing about reports of this and that. i kept saying, we have nothing, nothing here. the girls had just gotten situated (almost asleep) in their beds and i told duane we should probably go ahead and get them downstairs, versus waiting until they were completely asleep and scaring them to death. well, as far as the fear i guess i couldn't escape that. the minute i went to Ella's room, all i said was "baby, come with mommy we need to go downstairs." it's as if she knew immediately something was going to happen, the tears started to come. she grabbed her blankie and baby. cleary, she was in panic. i the positive one, had to be "mommy" but i just wanted to cry with her. Lydia was literally shaking. all i could do was comfort, pull them close to me and tell them we would be ok. i gathered candles and a flashlight (of course it was a tiny one) and headed down. duane stayed out front to watch. it wasn't long before he was telling me get downstairs, and NOW. ok....so now what? thankfully we kept our power. i decided it was better at this point to turn off the news (we were already in our safe place just waiting) and put it on something the girls would enjoy to watch, so we did. it was calming - i held them close and prayed the only thing i could think was appropriate:
Our Father, who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.
Amen.
it was very peaceful - comforting words although as i'm typing this Lydia is telling me that she didn't quite understand the words. (ha) i explained that it was from the bible - long ago. but here's the thing. while i was praying that last night - no one asked. it was just what it is. that's really cool, i think.
so once we felt cleared - we came upstairs and of course got our "family bed" going on....:)
i got kicked all night but it was ok - and this morning i was woke up way before i really wanted to be. and that's okay too. we decided to drive around and see what damage was done and if we could help.
what we saw was simply unbelievable. and all i could do was pray - and still am.
we have made food, offered it and i have offered my services. right now, things seem to be covered.
when you don't know what to do - you pray.
God hears us and He will answer.
Blessings to all affected and those surrounding - and for all of the rescue workers and volunteers.
Psalm 67
Saturday, April 9, 2011
12 months
I kept thinking....I'm gonnna blog...yeah....and it's coming up on a year and well surely I'll get to it before a year comes up....well, I'm here and Tuesday will be a YEAR! Hard to believe. Its hard for me to want to blog. Not because I don't have valuable information to share, it's just because I figure what's the point, nobody reads these things, right? Well, some people's get read....and become popular even famous. That's not my intent anyhow. I guess blogging is really for me. My outlet. And if that's all it does then it's doing it's job. Also, If God gives me a specific word to share - then I guess I better share and what happens next really isn't my responisibility.
I may very well be changing over to a different blog - one that I can share my "chaplain stories" on. I figure that may spark more interest. It's just that I'm getting started in that arena so they stories aren't quite all there - but they will be, I know that....
Here's the point, I think...something comes to mind you want to do that you enjoy doing, and there's peace - then get out there and do it! The ifs, why's, how's, when, and where will come. Initially they aren't that important. It's first steps stuff (see previous blogs). This isn't new information. Not for me anyway....but something I need to be reminded of. A lot. God made us in His image! WE ARE A CREATIVE PEOPLE. Get that into your mind AND heart. For years, I told myself I wasn't creative, because I didn't know who I was. That's silly. If I am human, and God breathed - then I AM creative. AND.....SO ARE YOU! So what if my creativity looks NOTHING like yours? Or my parents? Or my husbands', childrens', friends', siblings'? Guess what? Probably not supposed to be like any other human! Why would a good, generous daddy give us all the same things? Same gifts? Same talents? That just makes no sense to me! Be encouraged, be FREE.....to be YOU. It's our father's desire. Really. And if you look deep inside, it's your desire as well. Just to be able to be YOU and do what you are CREATED to do!
Blessings & Peace
I may very well be changing over to a different blog - one that I can share my "chaplain stories" on. I figure that may spark more interest. It's just that I'm getting started in that arena so they stories aren't quite all there - but they will be, I know that....
Here's the point, I think...something comes to mind you want to do that you enjoy doing, and there's peace - then get out there and do it! The ifs, why's, how's, when, and where will come. Initially they aren't that important. It's first steps stuff (see previous blogs). This isn't new information. Not for me anyway....but something I need to be reminded of. A lot. God made us in His image! WE ARE A CREATIVE PEOPLE. Get that into your mind AND heart. For years, I told myself I wasn't creative, because I didn't know who I was. That's silly. If I am human, and God breathed - then I AM creative. AND.....SO ARE YOU! So what if my creativity looks NOTHING like yours? Or my parents? Or my husbands', childrens', friends', siblings'? Guess what? Probably not supposed to be like any other human! Why would a good, generous daddy give us all the same things? Same gifts? Same talents? That just makes no sense to me! Be encouraged, be FREE.....to be YOU. It's our father's desire. Really. And if you look deep inside, it's your desire as well. Just to be able to be YOU and do what you are CREATED to do!
Blessings & Peace
Monday, April 12, 2010
Seed.....time.....HARVEST
Wow. Just 2 minutes ago I didn't have a title....really. i didn't. i just had one thought and the next one was to blog, then came a reminder. and honestly, i probably have 2 or 3 subjects in this brain of mine but we'll try for one thing at a time. see, i'm learning that lesson again. oh, there is so much i'm learning. and its funny really b/c you would think if God intends us to live one day at a time (James 4:13-16) ; then why in the world does HE choose at times to teach SEVERAL lessons at once??! well, we won't get ALL of our questions asked here on earth, thus we must continue on....and in that continuing on, we must be CONTENT. now, i can't blog regarding the "contentment" issue at this moment in time b/c i simply have to study that, and haven't yet. it is on my list! probably this week. see, i'm coming out of darkness (again). it was really rough this time. relatively short lived, but intense however. so, one of my "lessons in the dark" is that i need to learn contentment on a DEEPER level and also learn of it enough to share what i know. so, that is for next time...
today, i want to focus on this simple idea: seed....time.....and harvest. (Genesis 8:22). for most of us, we see the SEED, and we anticipate the HARVEST. however, isn't there something in between? something that is extremely powerful and important? i've heard it taught this way: you should really stop and pause between each word there. Seed.......T I M E..... ........ ........ ......... HARVEST. think for a moment, how does this change your outlook? it was hard for me. we hear a lot about "just believe, just believe and receive". now, i totally get and have lived by this concept. but there's an important issue that we are skipping over. we are to believe and believe for BIG things. however, we live in this thing we call 'the world' and because of that,we don't always see or get to have things when we should or the way that God intended in the beginning. i personally think this world brings along so much JUNK with it, that its harder than just "ask/receive." now, i'm not wanting to place doubt or frusteration in any ONE thing you are believing for. what i'm trying to do is alleviate a lot of the frusteration, depression, and funk we find ourselves in WHILE WE ARE WAITING. and what a better time for the enemy to come against us. i've personally been waiting on some things for a long time, for years. remember Abe and Sarah. i can't help but be reminded of their story. (Genesis 17). WOW!! if you just need a little encouragement, read that and stay there a while.....it still amazes me!! anyway, i can't help but think of how LONG they waited on their precious GOD GIVEN son, Isaac. (Genesis 21) can you imagine the JOY? see, it all starts with a promise. In Chapter 17, God PROMISED ABE. and then, well, there was still time......but to have the faith of Abraham. Thats who I admire, and Sarah as well. She laughed at the thought of it. (Ch. 21). I would have too. and to be honest, i have had those moments. "me, God?" "really?" . "hmmm"...... haven't you? i've had a few......and i'm still having them. Now, I must switch gears a little, but not to much. Last Thursday, I had a moment. I'm not entirely sure I am to the "laughing" point yet, but I will say this, the Holy Spirit dropped a bomb. and I need to clarify that the Spririt is always GENTLE and LOVING. so, perhaps "bomb" isn't the best word, and truly to be fair, i've heard something like it before so maybe its not a good description of what happened at all! but, until I get used to it i can refer to it as i please. it was about day 4 of this trip to the desert. i was more than ready to "come out" but i guess i hadn't been paying enough attention to be able to yet. so, in all of my "frusteration" of the battle (call it trying to do things on my own or what have you.) i finally looked up, threw my hands up to God and just simply asked "WHAT?????!!!" "WHAT IS IT YOU WANT FROM ME??! ITS OBVIOUS YOU ARE TRYING TO GET MY ATTENTION AND FOR WHAT, PLEASE???!!! no, i didn't scream it. but had i not been in a public place, i might have. i DID carry on a convo at a table for one. i decided i didn't care who thought i was crazy, because i needed an answer. i couldn't go on anymore. and, well, i believe i got one........a BOMB of one. wow. wow. all i could do was STOP dead in my tracks of thought (i was sitting) and say "oh my God, o my God, o my God....that's it." now i meant that very reverently. sometimes its just all I can say, and i'm going to say it, and i said it aloud. and then i proceeded with the ever so typical: "are you sure? really?" ........"okay, then." "what next?".
today, i want to focus on this simple idea: seed....time.....and harvest. (Genesis 8:22). for most of us, we see the SEED, and we anticipate the HARVEST. however, isn't there something in between? something that is extremely powerful and important? i've heard it taught this way: you should really stop and pause between each word there. Seed.......T I M E..... ........ ........ ......... HARVEST. think for a moment, how does this change your outlook? it was hard for me. we hear a lot about "just believe, just believe and receive". now, i totally get and have lived by this concept. but there's an important issue that we are skipping over. we are to believe and believe for BIG things. however, we live in this thing we call 'the world' and because of that,we don't always see or get to have things when we should or the way that God intended in the beginning. i personally think this world brings along so much JUNK with it, that its harder than just "ask/receive." now, i'm not wanting to place doubt or frusteration in any ONE thing you are believing for. what i'm trying to do is alleviate a lot of the frusteration, depression, and funk we find ourselves in WHILE WE ARE WAITING. and what a better time for the enemy to come against us. i've personally been waiting on some things for a long time, for years. remember Abe and Sarah. i can't help but be reminded of their story. (Genesis 17). WOW!! if you just need a little encouragement, read that and stay there a while.....it still amazes me!! anyway, i can't help but think of how LONG they waited on their precious GOD GIVEN son, Isaac. (Genesis 21) can you imagine the JOY? see, it all starts with a promise. In Chapter 17, God PROMISED ABE. and then, well, there was still time......but to have the faith of Abraham. Thats who I admire, and Sarah as well. She laughed at the thought of it. (Ch. 21). I would have too. and to be honest, i have had those moments. "me, God?" "really?" . "hmmm"...... haven't you? i've had a few......and i'm still having them. Now, I must switch gears a little, but not to much. Last Thursday, I had a moment. I'm not entirely sure I am to the "laughing" point yet, but I will say this, the Holy Spirit dropped a bomb. and I need to clarify that the Spririt is always GENTLE and LOVING. so, perhaps "bomb" isn't the best word, and truly to be fair, i've heard something like it before so maybe its not a good description of what happened at all! but, until I get used to it i can refer to it as i please. it was about day 4 of this trip to the desert. i was more than ready to "come out" but i guess i hadn't been paying enough attention to be able to yet. so, in all of my "frusteration" of the battle (call it trying to do things on my own or what have you.) i finally looked up, threw my hands up to God and just simply asked "WHAT?????!!!" "WHAT IS IT YOU WANT FROM ME??! ITS OBVIOUS YOU ARE TRYING TO GET MY ATTENTION AND FOR WHAT, PLEASE???!!! no, i didn't scream it. but had i not been in a public place, i might have. i DID carry on a convo at a table for one. i decided i didn't care who thought i was crazy, because i needed an answer. i couldn't go on anymore. and, well, i believe i got one........a BOMB of one. wow. wow. all i could do was STOP dead in my tracks of thought (i was sitting) and say "oh my God, o my God, o my God....that's it." now i meant that very reverently. sometimes its just all I can say, and i'm going to say it, and i said it aloud. and then i proceeded with the ever so typical: "are you sure? really?" ........"okay, then." "what next?".
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Serenity NOW!!!
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3, 5-6
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3, 5-6
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Desperation
Well if I had to post a mood status I think it would be quite difficult. While i expect today to be much better than yesterday, im still working on it. i kind of wish i had some reasoning to go along with all of this but i don't. been down all week, and part of last week. i can barely concentrate, feel like i'm in a fog at times. very frusterated and can't seem to shake it. one thing and the only thing coming to mind is my desperation for God. like an unquenched thirst or hunger, im there. i want more. i want to go deeper and deeper to where i know nothing but Him. We are almost right in the middle of Lent and that means different things to everyone but i happen to be learning something new....temptation isn't always in the form of something material or physical. it may or may not be the thing we have chosen to "give up or do without" thats tempting us. for me, its been an all out "anything goes" tempting. the temptation of negativity, carelessness, laziness, frusteration, wrong thoughts/attitudes/actions. its all the same. typically, i don't allow myself to get so "low" that these things have a chance to manifest or become obvious to anyone, however i must recognize there are forces of darkness that want nothing better than to trip me up. and, it can be the simplest things. it doesn't have to be a huge circumstance. its as if anything and everything i attempt to go and do (just normal everyday things) get interrupted, delayed, changed or stopped. and i have to say, the little things get to me the most. like why can't i just get out and try to go about my merry way without everything having to be so hard or some kind of ordeal. its as if i've lost my peace in life. i don't know why, i suppose we don't always know, but it happens none the less. one teeny tiny incident can ruin every bit of progress we are making or trying to make. so what's the lesson here? im stuck. normally i can just say to myself, "well obviously you haven't been checking your agenda with God's lately". but i thought i had. one of two things:1. i am either absolutely off on some tangent in life and left God behind, or 2. i am EXACTLY WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE AND THE devil HATES IT. perhaps you have been dealing with similar thoughts. lets ask the Father, and see where we get.....and by the way, we should always be desperate for more. so, maybe i'm just trying to get used to that, my "new skin" so to speak, or lack of. (i.e. flesh vs spirit)
Monday, March 1, 2010
Wow. I need to blog.....
and now is not the time, however, at least I am recognizing that i NEED to do it!! its been TOO long!! until i have more time , check out my other blog: http://butterfliesnfireflies.blogspot.com/ ENJOY! God bless you in March!!!
P.S. MY HUSBAND IS HOME!!!!!! WELCOME HOME LOVE!
P.S. MY HUSBAND IS HOME!!!!!! WELCOME HOME LOVE!
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