prospective

I am not in a good mood at the moment....doesn't that want to make you read on? However, I do think maybe I have a message, guess we'll see. I'm upset. I've already cried and I hate crying. I'm not even sure why. Other than I let myself sleep in later than I should, didn't brew coffee (on purpose), and Ella tells me at 7:30 she would like a lunchbox instead of the menu options and follows my frusteration with her own tears which tells me I'm outta line. I get them there on time but a minute or two later than usual. on the way home i could tell somethings not right and by the time i'm coming upstairs i'm losing it, and not understanding why. i've been distant lately from my quiet time with Jesus. I know thats probably the main reason everything seems like its falling apart. why can't i just make adjustments easier? and be more balanced w/ my time?  if i'm cranky b/c my morning isn't going as planned, why can't i just quit it with the expectations and say to myself: "self, this morning isn't going to go exactly as you would like, but acting like a 2 year old isn't going to help." thats not to say that we don't get passes once in a while to shed tears and feel down but i can't help but think that by doing that i could end up down for a long time and thats not what i want at all. so here's what i'm thinking now. i deserve an emotional MOMENT if i want one, all alone. i can't take things out on a 5 year old that really isn't at fault when we didn't discuss the menu last night (as she reminded me that she didn't know until this morning). and i can't be so fragile over my so very blessed little self just because things are hard. or tough. or lonely. maybe God is allowing me to feel something just so i can keep prospective. just as i headed up the stairs and felt the tears coming, i was reminded of some things. first of all, i am privaleged (sp?) enough to have driven my children to school this  morning, clothe them well, and had food for the lunchbox. i came home to a garage to park my vehicle in and a home thats more than enough, clean and warm and has everything i could possibly need for today in it and around it. i have the freedom to go and do as i please for the most part, and 4 more bags in my laundry room to take to the needy. i have abundance!!!! only because the good LORD has blessed me in so many ways! prospective...keeping it real. its like I just need a reminder and some time spent w/ Jesus and the Holy Spirit for some adjusting of my mind and attitude. i can feel  myself slipping.....and it wasn't just this morning. i've been without my peace for a few days, and it stinks!! i don't know if anyone out there will even understand this but here's hoping. we're all in this together. whomever may be reading - you're not alone. no matter whats going on, you aren't alone! thats an important message, and I need to hear it too.


COME UNTO ME, ALL OF YOU WHO ARE WEARY AND BURDENED AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST. Matthew 11:28.