...eh...

i haven't titled this entry. i think it's because i have so much on my mind that i can't come up with a proper one; or because there are so many things it could be. but i haven't blogged in so long that i'm entitled to a post that i  can't title or give any inclination of length. a lot is going on. here's the deal though. it aint about me. and thats the best part about it. i'm not even sure how to organize all of this so i'm just gonna go for it and tell you a little about my week and see where it goes. my intention is awareness. awareness of some issues that need to be talked about whether we want the gory details or not. and, because i am the type of reader that can't stand to sift through a bunch of words that don't really mean anything to me, i will propose to write that way. PEOPLE ARE STARVING. EVERYWHERE. they aren't just the typical ones we see (although they will get mention later) around town who maybe have skipped a meal or two. I'm talking about children around the world who are STARVING TO DEATH BEFORE THEY REACH 5 YEARS OLD. their parents are WATCHING THEM DIE. and there's nothing they can do to stop it. now, before you get all political on me hear me out a minute. does it really matter HOW THINGS GOT THIS WAY? WHAT THEIR PARENTS AND ANCESTORS DID OR DIDN'T DO? these children didn't asked to be brought into this life, or lack thereof. so there. shut your mouth and quit thinking about all the JUNK that has been put in your head regarding the issue. Here's a thought, out of all of Jesus' stories we hear a/b in the Bible (and for the religious in sunday school) which one of those went a little like this: "hello, I'm Jesus. I'm here to help you with whatever you may need. Are you hungry? Thristy? Naked? Hurting?" "well, yes, i am a little hungry for whatever you may have to spare and my kids could use some sandles." Jesus: "well.......let me think........hmmm.....let me just ask you a few questions a/b maybe why and how you got here, your history, your parents and grandparents or for heaven's sake why aren't you out working the fields instead of begging for food?" "and these kids you got here, well, i don't know if i have enough to feed you AND the kids....geeez man!" ......... okay, for those of you who know ANYTHING a/b our Saviour - come on! you know thats just crazy, right? last i checked, he made it a point to go out and about and seek and help and save and feed! and thats the only example i wanna follow. he didn't ask them to fill out a form or to have to prove who they are and why they are where they are, 10 forms of i.d and by the way if you want any assistance you will have to go through a 3 week program first.  see, we are ridiculously SCARED. we are just SO SCARED. we freeze in fear. fear of downtown, fear of parks, parking lots, alley ways, the hood, the projects, broken down apartment bldgs. you name it WE ARE AFRAID OF IT. so, what happens then? no one gets helped. no one is seen because we are simply just too uncomfortable to go there. so nothing. nothing is what happens. nothing is what gets done. and let me just say for a minute its a lot easier that way. easier to "bury your head" as i like to say and pretend it doesn't exist, or that someone else will pick up our slack.( I know...I did this). someone's hungry, naked, homeless, jobless but we'll just stay in our own little world and worry about the new car we don't have, the bigger house we can't buy and the clothes line we can't afford and even the newest greatest electronic device that our kids won't be getting this year. ( i could go on but i won't). because anyone with 1/2 a brain can see where i'm going. so we've established this much: 1. we are all scared to death 2. we are all so stinking selfish we can't see past ourselves. no i do not have every answer. no i am not at the point where i get up daily and rush to meet someone else's needs, but i can say i'm on my way. on my way to making SOME kind of difference in this world. after all, isn't that why we are here? and here's something else - are you ever offended by a beggar? turned off? annoyed? something to consider. if we all SHARED just a LITTLE of what we HAD, we probably wouldn't have beggars. did you know that the 7 WEALTHIEST people in the world have enough money to END world hunger? completely END it. 7 PEOPLE????!!!! there are  BILLIONS of us!!! i think where we went wrong is this: at what point did we decide everything we have is ours? that "we work hard so we deserve whatever we want" mentality? something occured to me  and i've tried so hard to live it out. I OWN NOTHING. MY NAME IS WORTH NOTHING IN THIS WORLD. I DON'T OWN MY KIDS, HUSBAND, THE CAR I DRIVE, THE HOME I LIVE IN. NOTHING. I DON'T EVEN OWN MY UNDERWEAR OR SOCKS. But my father does. I have a RICH DADDY in heaven who OWNS IT ALL AND SEES AND KNOWS IT ALL AND HAS MY BEST INTEREST AT HEART!! thats enough to shout. really. but back to my point - it's not ours. we are BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE WITH WHAT WE HAVE. but we have NOTHING if we can't admit that HE owns it all and we are lucky enough God sees fit for us to borrow it a little while! so here's an idea: it aint mine anyway,and i won't miss it and God calls me to be responsible and He's got another blessing in hand for me, so why not go on and give it away? and whatever level you can give or do is fine. God doesn't judge us based on amounts or some being able to give more or any of that stuff. He just asks that we take care of one another. thats it. however and how much ever you can. uncomfortable? yes. at times. unfamiliar? always. different? definately. worth it? you bet. so here's my challenge: how will you help? be creative. i started with bottled water this summer and let me tell you its a blast. this week, i went and dropped off a case at Miller Park and a case outside Patton Towers. i don't tell you this so that i can brag about what Amy's doing but just to help put it in prospective. its NOT HARD. (and all you really have to do is take a drive and you will see) those people love it.its just water. i mean, 3-4-5.00 water!! and you know what else? i tell them they have to pass it out, they have to share it. it's not just for one or two of them. there's power in that. in having THEM be the ones to SHARE. it does something, i know it does. so real quick, let me tell you what happened Tuesday. the girls were outta school and i had an errand downtown, so i figured i'd do the drive around the park and see what happened. there were people everywhere. i stopped and took the case of water to a few fellows, explained to them what to do and a sweet lady in a wheelchair stopped and asked for a hot sandwhich. i had NO food in the car whatsoever and appologized. next, i drove around to Patton Towers, explained what i  had and remembered i also had 2 bags of clothes in the trunk. i didn't think too much of the clothes b/c of the fact that i had left them, and the waters with a gentleman. (the clothes were mine so they weren't his size  and there were a few childrens items) but let me get to the good part: we drove around to get the way we needed to in order to head back to the interstate and i looked over and said "Girls, look at that little girl!" there was a precious little one about 2, sitting on a park bench there with her mom i suppose and the gentleman whom i'd left the bags of clothes with! they were looking through them! i was delighted! i said a prayer and said, oh God, let it be something they can use. see, it's that simple. and by the way, i haven't forgotten about the sandwich lady....i suppose next time i'm out, i'm going to have to plan for some food. wanna join me?

sabbath

Okay, now that I've gotten your attention, we all have our own opinions don't we? what is sabbath to you? think about it for a moment......why was it created? why does God bother to mention it? and beyond that, i happen to think He makes a pretty big deal about it. like, one of the 10 commandments. so if we believe and want to obey God and walk in all He has for us, then its something we need to explore. my intention is not to tell you what your sabbath should mean or should be in your life. after all, i am just another being on this planet that doesn't claim to "know" much of anything. my intention is to try and make you think. growing up, i knew no better than to just believe that the sabbath was sunday. (which is an different topic altogether!) you went to church, worked in the nursery, sang in the choir, attended sunday school. you spent time with family, (and thats if there wasn't any fried chicken after service) you went to choir practice and youth and bible study and training and prayer meeting , along with volunteering, and back to church. hear me out. those things are GREAT. those are some of the things that made me who I am today along with countless others. but lets face it. you WENT. you DID. you WORKED. let me say that again. you WORKED. now, i am not saying that some of us are not called to that or that there is anything wrong with it. i can only say what i'm learning and exploring for me. thats what it became for me. thats all. i'm simply encouraging you to take the time and ask God what should  sabbath mean for me?  there are plenty who must work on sunday (or saturday). take your minister or preacher for example. sure, that is part of their job. but ask them and i bet you will find they are observing their sabbath on a monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday or saturday. and if they aren't, they should be! we can only DO, WORK, and TAKE so much in a given week. take it from someone who knows. it is so very easy to keep on keepin on to the point that we are absolutely no good to anyone including US. wanna know something? i haven't "attended worship" in 4 weeks. yep, 4 weeks. is God still speaking to me? ministering to me? using me? helping me? you bet! i don't plan to stay out of "church" for another 4 weeks but if He called me to spend my time doing something else, i might. or like today, He put it in my spirit to stay home and REST and guess what? it was wonderful. it was what i needed. i was where i was supposed to be. so, how about you? following God is a daily, sometimes moment by moment thing. do you believe that God can call you to family time or alone time on a sunday (or saturday)? i do. i've seen it over and over again. we cannot make a religion out of attendance. thats what we have done as a christian society. religion, requirement, habit, job, etc.... i may not always understand what God is doing. i certainly don't get everything He asks of me! but i do believe that my part is obedience. to be open and available to do what He wants me to do. (no matter the day or time of the week!) and to trust Him. can we trust Him enough to miss sunday (or saturday) worship? can we? forgetting what our minds may be telling us (because of the way we are conditioned)? forgetting what someone else may think or even SAY?? forgive me, Lord because there's been plenty of times I condemned. i just simply didn't know any better. now, however, i do know better. and at the end of the day, who do i have to answer to anyway?

you never know what a day will bring

true. very true. do we really ever know what lies ahead? nope, we don't. rarely ever. like you may have an agenda or an idea but do we can't REALLY now whats gonna happen until we're in the moment, right? And so often I am learning that it's just best to not have certain expectations at all. Things change SO much and SO fast and I'm learning that we really just don't have a clue when it comes to God and His ways.  I was awake several times this morning and finally at 5, decided, heck somethings going on or God wants my attention or something. i hopped up on my feet like there was business to take care of. actually,there was. but before i knew it i was starting off my morning and for those who know me, THIS is enough to rock my world. i DON'T jump up at 5 AM!!!! unless of course there's a major something.....like a fire alarm or someone spewing something from the next room....REALLY. i say all of that to say this: don't ignore the God alarm. it can be 12:30 am, right after you have drifted off. It can be between 1, 2 or 3 am (which is usually when it happens for me) the 3 o'clocks are a TON of fun! my point is this, someone, somewhere needs you. It may be God wants to chat. It may be He wants you to see, feel or experience something that you wouldn't normally do, because let's get real, you wouldn't normally be awake or aware at that time. Maybe someone needs prayer. Could be someone you know, but doesn't have to be. We are ALL called to be intercessors on each others behalf.  I went through MOST of my entire morning not knowing exactly what was "up." But eventually, throughout my day, it started coming to me. In fact, its an issue I've been stressing for several days. It was TIME to LET GO and GIVE it BACK to GOD!!  just lost a/b 4-5 lines....oh my.....well, i think where i was going was this : you may not even know what you were in prayer for , who you may be standing in the gap for until much time has passed. like you will hear something, or see something or experience an event and it will click in you. "oh yeah, thats why i was up praying." its true. it happens. will you be willing to get up and get on your knees? just say something like, "ok, God, i know this is You, whats on your mind?" "what can i do?" "how can I pray?" "what do you want with me?" I challenge you. The God alarm IS sounding. Will we ignore it? We are called and commanded to strive to have HIS heart.

p.s.this is a challenge for me as well.... NO i do not get up and pray every time i am awakened. however, i must ask; what am i missing when i don't?

God bless!

strange day

so don't let the title fool you...it wasn't really all that 'strange'...just when things don't evolve the way i think they should sometimes, then i have a tendency to think somethings weird. however, it was a good day. i actually spent most of the day at home and that was much needed. i spent my morning praying and listening...and taking some things back to God again. it was quite peaceful and enjoyable and i must say i am in need of more of that! my girls (who are 5 & 7) had a half day at school so unfortunately, the bliss didn't last forever. but thats okay, they are very blissful just a different kind! they came home and played and played and i was able to nap. it was great. not sure my body knew what was going on, and i felt rather cranky the rest of the day but i do think i needed it. then, duane called. around 5, i think. it's nice to talk but it's funny you kind of run out of things to say....but at the same time you just want that person to be there, on the other line and you're okay with the silence. (for those uninformed he's out of the country right now) i think it's because duane and i are so close and have spent so much time in silence (as well as lots of conversation in 12 years, don't get me wrong) but there's something good about just being able to "be" together. i love that. it's one of my favorite trait in relationships! a lot of people who know me well, can't imagine me ever being quiet but i do have that side. and i had to learn it. not so much around people, but by myself. thats an interesting thing - try it! at first its so very strange and for me i have a hard time just sitting still but once i have begun to practice it, i get so much out of it! just pausing throughout the day is vital, i think. granted, those times can be very hard to come by for most people but next time you find yourself alone and with even a moment of time....give it a shot. turn down the music in the car, turn off the news (for HEAVENS sake) on the t.v., go to a room (even the bathroom) and shut the door, step outside for a moment, or take a walk. if you have children, pause for a moment as they are drifting off for nap or bedtime, or with older children begin to teach them the value of silence, and "alone time" - we call it quiet time here. it doesn't happen that often, but we are working on it. i guess what i'm saying is we have to be able to find comfort in that. then, we can enjoy those moments with others. and the best part? the listening. God is always speaking, are we taking the time to hear it?
happy labor day weekend!! make it count.

i made it

wow. i'm here...i'm here, i'm here, i'm here! it's like a road trip where you know and can even taste the destination but for some reason you just can't actually make it. blogging? seriously? i mean i feel as though i am lighyears behind. my intensions to start blogging started well over a year ago now. oh well, what can i say, life happens. not only does life happen, but because of that, where in the world do i begin? maybe i'll just let my fingers do the talking, seeming quite random but isn't that the point? and here's another question i have, can i do this? can i let the most inner thoughts out? surely it's therapeutic, however, could be a trust issue, right? i guess i can only test the "waters". speaking of waters, boy i have been truly enlightened about water lately on several different levels. i was inspired a couple of months ago to begin giving bottled water away. i shared it with my closest friend and she agreed to help. we don't get to do it as often as i would like but life is one day at a time and honestly, sometimes it just doesn't fit. i've learned something though. it doesn't matter if you get to do something every day, what matters is that you have intent and are trying. most of the time, you get an opportunity and water or not, we can make a difference. i think thats what led me to the water thing. i was praying about the needy, the poor, the downcast and broken hearted and i asked God, what can i do? isn't there something out there, some way i can help that maybe no one else has tapped into? and then boom, there it was. it doesn't sound like much. just bottled water. but here's the thing. we are all in need of water. we need it for our bodies, in fact, our bodies crave it. secondly, i believe it has extreme spiritual revelance. water is life. Jesus said, if anyone comes to you thirsty, give them a drink. so it's that simple. why not give it away? not make someone even have to ask. and here's something else, it's FREE. sure, someone's paying for it, but it's terribly inexpensive and my money belongs to God anyhow. another thing about testing the waters.....God has been showing me some pretty drastic things. changes. the new. letting go. closing chapters and beginning new ones. some of it exciting and some of it not so great. good feelings. scary feelings. i'm talking out of the box stuff. and thats good, but uncomfortable all at once. so i proceed to ask God about that too. whats the deal? why am i struggling? i'm just trying to follow Your lead and have peace about things but still the questions and battle seem to go on. heres what He showed me: you just gotta let down your net. my net? haven't i been doing that? asking, searching, seeking, knocking, and DOING??! and your asking me to let down my net? what, get a new net? "No." "I'm asking you to go DEEPER. And, to go DEEPER, you have to trust Me more." Oh.... okay....... that's interesting. back to that trust thing again, huh? so i can be moving right along the path you have for me, God....and then all of the sudden it happens, things change a little...or a lot. Change in a way I didn't expect them to. Now what? How do I respond? Only by more conversation with my father. The only ONE who knows it ALL. Do I always get an immediate answer? No....but I do get enough that I can get my peace back and move on. I may have to go back to God every other minute, but eventually things settle. I'm not always gonna get it right. In fact, I'm gonna get it wrong a LOT more than I get it right because I am but flesh just trying to make it in a fallen world. A world that seems to be falling more every second. Thank God for Jesus. Thank God He had a plan, and has a plan. Thank God for the Holy Spirit who comes as our counselor. Thank God that he LOVES us, unconditionally and like no other can! Thank God for mercy and grace. LOTS of grace!! Thank God for all things. For life and breath. For water. And freedom, and for as long as we have it - the ability to give it.