12 months

I kept thinking....I'm gonnna blog...yeah....and it's coming up on a year and well surely I'll get to it before a year comes up....well, I'm here and Tuesday will be a YEAR! Hard to believe. Its hard for me to want to blog. Not because I don't have valuable information to share, it's just because I figure what's the point, nobody reads these things, right? Well, some people's get read....and become popular even famous. That's not my intent anyhow. I guess blogging is really for me. My outlet. And if that's all it does then it's doing it's job. Also, If God gives me a specific word to share - then I guess I better share and what happens next really isn't my responisibility.
I may very well be changing over to a different blog - one that I can share my "chaplain stories" on. I figure that may spark more interest. It's just that I'm getting started in that arena so they stories aren't quite all there - but they will be, I know that....
Here's the point, I think...something comes to mind you want to do that you enjoy doing, and there's peace - then get out there and do it! The ifs, why's, how's, when, and where will come. Initially they aren't that important. It's first steps stuff (see previous blogs). This isn't new information. Not for me anyway....but something I need to be reminded of. A lot. God made us in His image! WE ARE A CREATIVE PEOPLE. Get that into your mind AND heart. For years, I told myself I wasn't creative, because I didn't know who I was. That's silly. If I am human, and God breathed - then I AM creative. AND.....SO ARE YOU! So what if my creativity looks NOTHING like yours? Or my parents? Or my husbands', childrens', friends', siblings'? Guess what? Probably not supposed to be like any other human! Why would a good, generous daddy give us all the same things? Same gifts? Same talents? That just makes no sense to me! Be encouraged, be FREE.....to be YOU. It's our father's desire. Really. And if you look deep inside, it's your desire as well. Just to be able to be YOU and do what you are CREATED to do!
Blessings & Peace

Seed.....time.....HARVEST

Wow. Just 2 minutes ago I didn't have a title....really. i didn't. i just had one thought and the next one was to blog, then came a reminder. and honestly, i probably have 2 or 3 subjects in this brain of mine but we'll try for one thing at a time. see, i'm learning that lesson again. oh, there is so much i'm learning. and its funny really b/c you would think if God intends us to live one day at a time (James 4:13-16) ; then why in the world does HE choose at times to teach SEVERAL lessons at once??! well, we won't get ALL of our questions asked here on earth, thus we must continue on....and in that continuing on, we must be CONTENT. now, i can't blog regarding the "contentment" issue at this moment in time b/c i simply have to study that, and haven't yet. it is on my list! probably this week. see, i'm coming out of darkness (again). it was really rough this time. relatively short lived, but intense however. so, one of my "lessons in the dark" is that i need to learn contentment on a DEEPER level and also learn of it enough to share what i know. so, that is for next time...
today, i want to focus on this simple idea: seed....time.....and harvest. (Genesis 8:22). for most of us, we see the SEED, and we anticipate the HARVEST. however, isn't there something in between? something that is extremely powerful and important? i've heard it taught this way: you should really stop and pause between each word there. Seed.......T I M E.....   ........  ........   ......... HARVEST. think for a moment, how does this change your outlook? it was hard for me. we hear a lot about "just believe, just believe and receive". now, i totally get and have lived by this concept. but there's an important issue that we are skipping over. we are to believe and believe for BIG things. however, we live in this thing we call 'the world' and because of that,we don't always see or get to have things when we should or the way that God intended in the beginning. i personally think this world brings along so much JUNK with it, that its harder than just "ask/receive." now, i'm not wanting to place doubt or frusteration in any ONE thing you are believing for. what i'm trying to do is alleviate a lot of the frusteration, depression, and funk we find ourselves in WHILE WE ARE WAITING. and what a better time for the enemy to come against us. i've personally been waiting on some things for a long time, for years. remember Abe and Sarah. i can't help but be reminded of their story. (Genesis 17). WOW!! if you just need a little encouragement, read that and stay there a while.....it still amazes me!! anyway, i can't help but think of how LONG they waited on their precious GOD GIVEN son, Isaac. (Genesis 21) can you imagine the JOY? see, it all starts with a promise. In Chapter 17, God PROMISED ABE. and then, well, there was still time......but to have the faith of Abraham. Thats who I admire, and Sarah as well. She laughed at the thought of it. (Ch. 21). I would have too. and to be honest, i have had those moments. "me, God?" "really?" . "hmmm"...... haven't you? i've had a few......and i'm still having them. Now, I must switch gears a little, but not to much. Last Thursday, I had a moment. I'm not entirely sure I am to the "laughing" point yet, but I will say this, the Holy Spirit dropped a bomb. and I need to clarify that the Spririt is always GENTLE and LOVING. so, perhaps "bomb" isn't the best word, and truly to be fair, i've heard something like it before so maybe its not a good description of what happened at all! but, until I get used to it i can refer to it as i please. it was about day 4 of this trip to the desert. i was more than ready to "come out" but i guess i hadn't been paying enough attention to be able to yet. so, in all of my "frusteration" of the battle (call it trying to do things on my own or what have you.) i finally looked up, threw my hands up to God and just simply asked "WHAT?????!!!" "WHAT IS IT YOU WANT FROM ME??! ITS OBVIOUS YOU ARE TRYING TO GET MY ATTENTION AND FOR WHAT, PLEASE???!!! no, i didn't scream it. but had i  not been in a public place, i might have. i DID carry on a convo at a table for one. i decided i didn't care who thought i was crazy, because i needed an answer. i couldn't go on anymore. and, well, i believe i got one........a BOMB of one. wow. wow. all i could do was STOP dead in my tracks of thought (i was sitting) and say "oh my God, o my God, o my God....that's it." now i meant that very reverently. sometimes its just all I can say, and i'm going to say it, and i said it aloud. and then i proceeded with the ever so typical: "are you sure? really?" ........"okay, then." "what next?".

Serenity NOW!!!

The Serenity Prayer


God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.



Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.



--Reinhold Niebuhr



Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will direct your paths.



Proverbs 3, 5-6

Desperation

Well if I had to post a mood status I think it would be quite difficult. While i expect today to be much better than yesterday, im still working on it. i kind of wish i had some reasoning to go along with all of this but i don't. been down all week, and part of last week. i can barely concentrate, feel like i'm in a fog at times. very frusterated and can't seem to shake it. one thing and the only thing coming to mind is my desperation for God. like an unquenched thirst or hunger, im there. i want more. i want to go deeper and deeper to where i know nothing but Him. We are almost right in the middle of Lent and that means different things to everyone but i happen to be learning something new....temptation isn't always in the form of something material or physical. it may or may not be the thing we have chosen to "give up or do without" thats tempting us. for me, its been an all out "anything goes" tempting. the temptation of negativity, carelessness, laziness, frusteration, wrong thoughts/attitudes/actions. its all the same. typically, i don't allow myself to get so "low" that these things have a chance to manifest or become obvious to anyone, however i must recognize there are forces of darkness that want nothing better than to trip me up. and, it can be the simplest things. it doesn't have to be a huge circumstance. its as if anything and everything i attempt to go and do (just normal everyday things) get interrupted, delayed, changed or stopped. and i have to say, the little things get to me the most. like why can't i just get out and try to go about my merry way without everything having to be so hard or some kind of ordeal. its as if i've lost my peace in life. i don't know why, i suppose we don't always know, but it happens none the less. one teeny tiny incident can ruin every bit of progress we are making or trying to make. so what's the lesson here? im stuck. normally i can just say to myself, "well obviously you haven't been checking your agenda with God's lately". but i thought i had. one of two things:1. i am either absolutely off on some tangent in life and left God behind, or 2. i am EXACTLY WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE AND THE devil HATES IT. perhaps you have been dealing with similar thoughts. lets ask the Father, and see where we get.....and by the way, we should always be desperate for more. so, maybe i'm just trying to get used to that, my "new skin" so to speak, or lack of. (i.e. flesh vs spirit)

Wow. I need to blog.....

and now is not the time, however, at least I am recognizing that i NEED to do it!! its been TOO long!! until i have more time , check out my other blog: http://butterfliesnfireflies.blogspot.com/ ENJOY! God bless you in March!!!
P.S. MY HUSBAND IS HOME!!!!!!  WELCOME HOME LOVE!

Step by Step = Full Circle

So, I have this hunch I've got to write. Again, it's been literally weeks but here goes. The problem is I'm not exactly sure what about. As usual, I can follow the Spirits guiding but like in areas of my life, I stutter due to the fact that I can't see whats ahead of me. Even now, I shake my head at that statement. What a brat, I think. MOST people I know have no idea whats ahead of them, what makes you different or special? In other words we have a right to question things at certain times but we just can't stay there. I've heard it said that until we take the first step towards anything, its very unlikely that we will ever see or know the following steps. They will only be revealed as we take the FIRST one. But wait, the FIRST one is scary. Its too big, too much, too out of the box. What will people think or say or do? The FIRST step often feels as though there are no other steps!! Uh oh, then what? Think like an infant for a moment. Again, this is someone elses analogy but stay with me. The baby wants to walk and knows it needs to walk (God given nature). The baby isn't really sure how to walk, or what walking feels like, or sometimes isn't too familiar yet with what will result in the walking. However, with the guidance of the PARENT, everything changes. And you have seen it. We see the success of  healthy, sound babies who have every bit of the parents attention and love and how well they do with the overwhelming task. And then some of us have seen the baby who struggles to do what is predicted due to the parent that can't or won't spend the time to teach them. I'm glad to say my FATHER is completely in love with me! He won't for one minute take His eyes off of me while I take those first few scary, wobbly steps! He's guiding me, by His hand or sometimes both hands. As children of God, we don't have to worry that we have ended up with the parent who doesn't care of we ever walk, therefore leading to a debilitating, crippling life. NO. He is ONLY interested in the success, victory and freedom of seeing all of His children grow. What an opportunity we have. If we CHOOSE HIS will for our lives, then He is in it. Head first, all the way, completely and totally IN IT with us! We  have a choice. We can like many, choose our own path for our lives. God won't force us to do things His way. But its a tough road. He doesn't promise us the assistance we can get when we go with Him. He loves us either way. He loves us whichever road we choose, however the consequences can be GREAT by choosing our way. We are human and without communion with His Holy Spirit, how lost we can become. He will be there to meet us, anytime, anywhere. Thats how good God is and how much He loves us. But, my challenge is this: wouldn't we rather just go with God no matter the cost? Its not paradise, and it gets tough too......but the upside is the confidence that you are walking with Him. Life can be hard either way. Here's a thought - we are going to mess up at some point, or several points along the way. I'd like to think that even when I get it wrong - major wrong- that I've got someone to help me along. I can depend on God to answer my SOS when things aren't quite comfortable or haven't gone the way I'd like. Not only that, if I stay close enough; I can even discern when the Spirit within me is saying "NO, that's not the way, that's not it." Rather than, not having a clue and trying to depend on my intellect or intuition. (thats scary!). There's a price on this road. God's path for us. The gift of His everlasting love and grace and mercy and everything else that HE IS is free. Always. Don't confuse that. The point I'm trying to make is that as humans, living in this fallen world there is sacrifice made to follow God. Our flesh wants what it wants. We have to want what the Spirit wants. OUCH! Yes. It hurts. A lot. For me, it is almost a CONSTANT battle that I didn't anticipate participating in. Spirit vs. Flesh. Wow. Sometimes such a fine line, too. Again, all we can do is daily (sometimes hourly!) continue to give every element of our lives BACK to God. See, I believe that this amazing, wonderful, free, blessed life that Amy Darby lives belongs to God. I started with God. I haven't always let Him have all of me, and others tried to steal me away from Him, but  again back to the battle.....but what I mean is that He started all of this and so I don't really own this (life)  but its my stinking human nature that continues to want to take hold. Hence, the "giving back."  That along with circumstances in our lives BELONG TO GOD. He promises to take anything and everything we are willing to LET Him have, and make it beautiful! (Is.61:3). I don't know where you are personally. I don't know what your mess is, what your "ashes" may be. For some its circumstances, for others its that stinking flesh I referred to. We all have battles. Some of us have WAY more batle than we would have ever dreamed of having. And lets admit it: no one LIKES fighting. But we have them, so what can we do? WE can do very little. In our own power, I mean. Very little.......In fact I've just about decided I have no interest in fighting alone. Yes, it takes work on my part. Effort. Dedication. Saying no to things, saying yes to some I'd rather not. (flesh) But for me, I desire life abundant (John 10:10). I want ALL things that God desires to give me. Its simply a choice, a decision. Where are you? Where do you want to be? In God, we can have and be whatever we want, according to His will, and He wants to give us the desires of our hearts! (Ps. 37:4)  And HE knows whats best for us anyhow. Remember, I started with Him - it only makes sense to do all I can to end with Him.

November.... Seriously??!

So Im convinced.....I will never, ever earn the blogger award. Its been a very long time since I have posted something, anything......but I'm not sure I have anything. I've been in a bit of transition I guess. Well, I know I have, and writing or sharing or whatever you choose to call this just hasn't been important. What has been? Trying to survive as a 'single mom' for starters. That has been interesting to say the least. I guess I didn't really have any expectations of how that would go.(and no i'm not a single mom, i'm just a wife who has a husband on short term assignment overseas). Duane's been gone since October 10th and it feels like its been a year. To beat it all he may not be home at Thanksgiving. I don't think him not home on a holiday is really the issue,  but the fact that it will be 9 weeks since we've seen him by the time he does make it home, thats different. Honestly, I am not upset about the possibility but its just that when you have a date in mind for someone to return and you have literally been on a countdown for that day; it tries to get to you. or shall I say it will try and get to ME. I don't want it to though. Here's the thought for the day. Can we really mentally make our minds up to not be sad/mad/discouraged/etc. and be successful? Is that all it takes? Mind over matter? Is it that simple? Can I really "just decide" that I'm not going to let this get to me along with all the other frustrations of a given day? I hope to God I can. I hope that I can continue to move through life as I know it and take it a day at a time and face whatever I have to face and stay encouraged. And that no matter what, have the strength  to get up and do it again the next day. I don't even want to do a countdown this time. In a way it will make it harder. And here's another thought. What is God trying to say to me? What does He want me to learn? There is purpose for this time, I do know that. I'm sure there's work for me to do somewhere and if I really want to , there are plenty of needs out there to meet. This time won't be in vain. I have 2 children to spend time with and to try and cherish. I have quiet time with Jesus to tend to and studying of the word that I am SUPER behind on. Oh and I have a house to keep clean and laundry.  Then there's taking care of myself. I  have to walk every day, try and pay attention to what I eat AND in a week or so I REALLY need to add something to my walking. Then there's the element of rest. I am not one to be proud of all the "down time" I've had or the hours that I actually sleep at night. For some reason it's like I expect to be superwoman and just sleep a little and keep going like Im battery operated. However, I know that I have to rest! I laugh because since Duane isn't here to chat with or watch TV with, I'm usually asleep by 9-10pm. I GET in bed sometimes at 8!! SO sad......but its working for me. Thats what we all have to do. Find what works. And it changes. Sometimes we are in seasons of barely any rest or sleep (which I don't recommend) and other times we feel like if we don't get more busy , we are just going to be lazy. Honestly though, we just never know what we are going to need or whats coming next in life. God does.  Try to appreciate where you are. I can remember thinking my life was just blah and I was in such a LULL, nothing going on and I felt as though I had no purpose at all. But then, I had to realize as someone told me: " enjoy the tranquility you are in". I took that advice, and I have passed it on to others. Now, when I feel that way I just figure that it's the calm before the storm. Like I am right where God wants me because God's getting me ready for the next task. The next season may be what I call a "working season" and I'd better rest while I can. Speaking of seasons, I am still learning that concept. But I do think I'm making progress. I surely hope! I don't know how to end this and I think there probably should be a sequel. Maybe some more talk about "seasons". For now, though I must go.....it's time to tend to the sheep. My little lambs anyway. God Bless!!!